|5 Tips For Likability at Work & In Life
|HouseWifeMafia.com ~ The eMagazine For Women
(who like to use that bit above the neck)
Being likeable isn’t required in order to achieve the
position or job of your dreams, but it helps.
When other people are on your side providing you with encouragement,
helpful tips, and even free resources,it can greatly increase the chances
of success in your chosen field and in life.
Many times, it is not what you know but who you know.
While the listing below may seem to be cursory and easy to implement,
they are not. It is difficult to make real and permanent changes in your
personality. The process of becoming an exceptionally likeable
individual takes years.
Do not let that intimidate you, however.
the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Likeability, like drawing, writing or golf,
is something which must be practiced.
1. Be positive.
The single most common problem facing individuals who want to
become more popular/successful/likeable is their own attitude.
Attitude is everything.
Attitude is the reason why you aren’t as popular now as you want to
be. More specifically, it is a negative attitude which can poison your
relationships with your coworkers, a nd indeed the world.
Developing a more positive attitude does not mean ignoring hardships
or failures. It is simply refrainng those difficulties and negative
emotions to healthier positive ones.
The old cliche, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade,"
has been around for a while because it is exactly the winning
attitude which people are attracted to, and it is exactly the
attitude which brings rewards.
Why do you complain? Why do you have pet-peeves?
What is the point of harboring all of these negative emotions?
Be big enough to let them go.
Use your rational mind and refuse to be overcome by these negative
My pet peeve used to be people who had poor pronunciation.
Like 'nuclular' instead of 'nuclear' or 'basttitized' instead of 'bastardized'.
However, I realized that it really didn't matter how the person
pronounces the word as long as I can understand the point they are
I can fix their errors mentally. I know now that even I, yes even
the great I, is prone to mispronounce a word once in a while as well.
Instead of highlighting failures and differences
try to build commonalities and connect with your peers.
"Don't be discouraged by a failure. It can be a positive experience.
"Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success,
inasmuch as every discovery of what is false leads us
to seek earnestly after what is true,
and every fresh experience points out some form of error
which we shall afterwards carefully avoid."
- John Keats
2. Control your insecurities.
Insecurities oftentimes come leaping out of a person's brain
and mouth so quickly that the speaker has no idea what
words he just blurted out.
People that always have to be correct are insecure.
People that constantly saying "just kidding!" after every single joke are
People that respond to a joke at their expense with anger or insult are
Insecurity beguiles confidence and weakens your Self.
Becoming a better individual means accepting your Self,
and not hiding it under the veil of insults, "just kiddings", or factoids.
Either you accept mediocrity about your personality completely
and without shame, or you change it. Period.
If you're fat, either go on a strict diet and exercise regime or accept it
and even be willing to poke fun at yourself.
If you have a high voice, buy some tapes to help you improve your tone
or be willing to not only accept but love your squeaky vocals.
Display your faults for all the world to see -
mistakes are unifying characteristics which all humans
can empathize with.
Not only is perfection limiting, it's boring as well.
The mark of a mistake-free life is one which has not been fulfilled.
"The only man who never makes a mistake
is the man who never does anything."
- Theodore Roosevelt
3. Provide value.
The only thing worse than an insecure person is one who is
so completely and utterly shutdown from the world that they refuse
to display any personality at all.
If you work in an IT company like I do, you know exactly what I mean.
There are developers there who display exceptional intellect and
foresight on their projects but when it comes to simple human
interaction they lack the social graces (or *gasp*, bravery) to wish you a
In order to be around people with value
you must be able to convey value.
There is no alternative.
If you are humorless, read books on comedy writing;
if you are boring, go out and do something adventurous.
Experience life and share your findings with your coworkers.
Have you ever noticed that successful people often flock together?
I have heard countless stories of brilliant scientists or businessmen
who were close friends with other successful individuals
before they gained their notoriety.
In parallel, have you noticed that drug addicts and criminals
often associate with each other? This isn't coincidence.
You are the sum of all of your friends and close associates.
Choose your friends with care,
just because you grew up with someone
does not mean you are forced to be their friend for the rest of your life.
Start surrounding yourself with people of value
and it will become a self-fulfilling prophesy.
"The art of being yourself at your best
is the art of unfolding your personality
into the person you want to be...
Be gentle with yourself,
learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself,
for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves
can we have the right attitude toward others."
- Wilfred Peterson
4. Eliminate all judgments.
Judgmental people are usually easy to spot
because they are the ones eating alone in the lunch room.
They think of themselves as 'too [flattering adjective]' to have lunch
with those guys in shipping and 'too [unflattering adjective]'
to eat with the guys in IT.
No one is above you and no one is below you.
We are all mammals - humans, more distinctly
- just trying to get by the best way we know how.
Do not believe for a second that there are
unwritten 'leagues' or 'classes' which people must adhere to.
All of these boundaries are artificial,
put in place by people who are in desperate need
for justifications of their own failures.
No judgments means treating everyone with the respect
you would give to a 120-year-old man and the understanding
you would give toward your seven-year-old cousin.
"Beginning today, treat everyone you meet
as if they were going to be dead by midnight.
Extend them all the care, kindness
and understanding you can muster.
Your life will never be the same again."
- Og Mandino
5. Become a person of conviction.
In order to gain respect you must start respecting yourself first.
You must set boundaries on behavior and
let people know that you are not a pushover.
Make no mistake, people will test you in order to find out
exactly where your boundaries are.
This means saying 'no' to disrespect and letting the offending
party know that he or she crossed the line with their comment
and you did not appreciate it.
People will respect you more when they realize
that you are not someone who is malleable or valueless.
Set your own personal unbreakable code of ethics.
Make it as rigid as your morals will allow.
When you are faced with an ethical dilemma, reference this
code. If no precedent exists, create one.
Let it be your ever-expanded guide which will provide you
stability in an otherwise chaotic world.
If your boss requests you to do something that is in
incongruence with your core values, simply refuse and
explain your reasoning. You may be surprised how
understanding they might be.
"One needs to be slow to form convictions, but once formed
they must be defended against the heaviest odds."
- Mahatma Gandhi
|Five Tips to Increase Your Likeability
In the office and the world
by Justin Hartfield